So then I had a panic attack . . .
And another, and another and another. I'm exaggerating a little, but barely. I am starting to really freak out over the logistics surrounding the upcoming surgery. My house is pretty much a constant circus. It shuts down for about an hour or two daily, during nap time, but promptly reopens before I have even had time to remove all the cheerios and goldfish from between the couch cushions. We have so much to do to prepare to have people stay here with us. When I was little my mom used to make a list of rooms that needed to be cleaned and chores that needed to be done before we had company over. My siblings and I had to initial next to the delegated number of tasks and have them completed by the end of the day. Somehow I don't think my two year old and ten month old would be of much help with this. Needless to say, the cleaning and preparing for long term guests is completely overwhelming. And that is only one aspect of this logistical nightmare. We also need to make sure we have people to watch the kids for my pre-op appointments, during the surgery, appointments post-op and just during daily life after the surgery. I will definitely be down and out for a few weeks but even when I start to feel better, I will not be able to pick up my boys for around eight weeks! Luckily we have tons of help from our families. But thinking about everything makes my head spin. Whenever I start to feel like I am gaining control something new comes up- I need to buy a recliner to sleep in comfortably, someone will need to drive me everywhere for a few weeks, I won't be able to shave my armpits for a long time (ew). I should have thought of these things, I know, but they are occuring to me very slowly.
The logistical straw that broke this camel's back happened this morning when I received a call from my doctor's office. I missed it, probably because I was playing lion tamer/ring leader. I figured they were calling to confirm the receipt of my surgery packet and upcoming appointments. Whelp, I was wrong. The surgery needed to be rescheduled due to a conflict with the doctor doing my reconstruction. Have I mentioned that this is a logistical nightmare?? My family is depending on so many people to get through the next couple of months. We are on a tight schedule of people helping while on spring break, between jobs, before moves, days already taken off here and there, etc. I know that my surgeon has a life outside of work and I get that but WHYYYY?!?!? So, I thought I had a month from today to prepare for the surgery. I thought I had everything in line for people watching the kids while I am in the hospital and the days directly after. I thought I had everything ready for my own care in the days directly following the surgery. I was wrong. The surgery was moved up to the week before the date we had planned so just when I thought things were falling into place, they aren't. I know I have tons of family and friends who want to help and will help but as someone who very rarely asks for favors, I hate trying to rearrange everything that was already planned. I am awkward about it.
I know things will end up being fine. I just can't help but wonder if I am doing the right thing. Is it the right time? Is there ever a "good" time to have surgery? There is so much to worry about- and that is not even considering the actual surgery.